Thursday, January 05, 2006

12:41 am

You know how sometimes you are so exhausted, and it's still surprising to you that you're drowsy by 11pm when not sleeping was the norm for the previous eight years, and although sleep is clearly the most logical solution, you stay awake and listen to Cat Power's "The Greatest" on your rapidly aging, quasi-functioning Dell Inspiron 4000 laptop, "on repeat," which means only that you keep pressing play, because you're using RealPlayer and it's the only song you have downloaded because you're still holding onto the golden age of CDs--still in their jewel cases!--and your computer inexplicably threatens to self-detonate at 2:23 minutes through the too-short song. And for once the emotion you feel really is just sleep-related, and for once you're not sobbing your eyes out like you always do with Cat Power. And you feel a little guilty about that, because you're used to cutting your arms or throwing up--and let's not wager a bet that this well-being will stay so--it rarely does--but tonight after work you saw a free play and had a glass of wine with dinner and laughed with your best friend on the N train, and for once you're sort of "ok" for real this time, and quite frankly, it's a little nerve-racking, and what's more: it's a bore.



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